My thoughts on the meaning of Man

My understanding of the word “Man” has evolved and changed with the times. In the 1970s my older brothers used it as greeting and slang. “Hey man!” “Take it easy, Man.” “Oh man!” To be their “main man” was good, but “the man” was different -- the man wanted to “keep them down.” I accepted school teachers’ definition that “man” applied to me when used in important legal declarations. Though the word “woman” never appeared, I too was created equal, and entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. As I grew, the Women’s Right movement grew with me. My "oppressed" mother took up this cause with vigor. The mother of seven -- who never worked an 8-hour day in her life; now had a name for her misery. A tyrant father drove her to the arms of a weak husband. Hers was a marriage of undermining, belittling and contradicting. As children, we were fed on anger, and blame.

The small, provincial town I grew up in shared one view. As a town we went to church on Sunday, shopped at Dick's Market, and bought gas at Rasmussen Brothers on the corner. Our town's ideas were old-fashioned and outdated. I trumpeted against this oppressive, male-domination. In youthful rebellion I kicked against the man-made reminders that I was second-class. I railed against being "hu-man" and "wo-man." Even my dog was not my best friend. My perceived oppression spilled into my religion and it pained me that "man was created in God's image." The Bible declared that "neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." And while it instructed that "man cannot live by bread alone" -- I was left wondering what I was to live on.

But as John Donne said, "No man is an island" and I found this to be true. No one wants to be separated by a sea of their own insecurities, adrift in oceans of pain. Intellectually I didn't want a man. I'd learned from my parents that marriage and relationships were bad. Yet on a deeper level I didn't want to be alone. I had to leave my man-made island.

In my early twenties I moved to China -- a place that puts to shame the complaints of American women. This was a country built for men. The very language puts Chinese women in their place. Their word for person is ren, and it is also the word for "man." Person and man are synonymous. Man is person. The word for woman is nu ren which means “not man.” Literally translated “woman” is “not a person.” Man is person -- man is power. While women worked alongside the men, they still had no societal voice and no legal rights. In marriage a woman becomes a servant to her mother-in-law, often mistreated – especially if she fails to bear a son. That is life for Chinese women -- the non-people.

Living in China helped me see what being held down by "the man" really meant. I viewed my life, and my understanding of man, anew. Not as creatures of my preconceived notions, but as their own men. I discovered "man" could be sweet and strong. It could be patient and intelligent. It didn't have to be this all or nothing monster I'd created. I learned that, though "hard to find" - there was a good man. A combination of strengths and weaknesses. A man who takes out the trash and watches football. My definition evolved to understand that "man" does not equal "bad." Man is not my enemy. I am human; he is part of me.